Monday, October 27, 2008

Suicide, Identity and Vagrancy: Another Aged Journal Entry

9/2/04

 The social network is held together by atomic relationships which have a structure of mutual accusation.  You receive me as one who accuses you and I receive you as one who accuses me.  The basis for these accusations and the source of their authority is not immediately clear, but they are attended by guilt.  

It is clear that these accusations have force.  I am in the wrong already, by default. 

 To pry beneath this network to find the basis of the accusations and their authority is a futile enterprise.  We find nothing except an endless paper trail, an ever-widening social beaurocracy, a chasm with no bottom, a pervasive, omnipresent godlike nothingness.  My guilt is constitutive of my being.  It cannot be escaped.

 Yes, it can be escaped, but only if I turn my back on my own being, if I relinquish life.  Freedom from guilt can only be achieved through suicide.  It exists only in the sphere of inertia, where the intentional origins of my movements are not related to the social network, where boredom reigns, where ‘ought’ ceases to show itself, where the ‘I’ no longer accompanies the ‘I think’. 

 The self is a construction of the social network, it is sustained by a structure of accusation.  Therefore, to go beyond good and evil is to dissolve the self. 

When I become a vagrant, I no longer have any resources when asked, “Hey, let’s see some ID.”  I do not carry an identity card.  The authority implicit in the social network is useless against me, it cannot get a grip on me.  In attempting to apprehend me, it finds thin air.  I am free.  Inert, yes, but free.

Perfect freedom lies just below suicide.

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